We spent a good bit of last year in a season of lots of questions. Lots of doubting if we did the right or wrong thing at the right or wrong time.
There’s one particular situation that’s still just mind-boggling. We did exactly what we felt like God told us to do. Over and over we asked the Lord to guide our steps and help us, and He showed up time and time again. We saw a life being changed.
And as suddenly as it started, it all fell apart.
This person we were helping decided to move away, to cut us out of their life, and to leave us to pick up the pieces. And can I just tell you? It hurts.
It hurts both when I see it coming and when I don’t expect it to. The rejection and pain that I feel over this particular situation is just, well, awful. The loss I feel in my life because of another persons’ decisions blows me away some days.
But here’s the thing – God didn’t guarantee us an outcome. Though we thought we understood what the end result looked like, we could never know the outcome.
Justin came out of the sermon on Sunday encouraging me that we need to reconnect with this person. I don’t want to. I am hurt, and the thought of opening myself up to more makes me want to go back to bed. For a week.
The sermon was on how love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. And can I be honest? I have a long list of wrongs I am keeping in this situation. I gave up so much for this person – mostly time and a little of what felt like sanity.
On the other hand, when I look to Jesus I am so grateful that He does not keep a record of wrongs. He gave up his life to cover over the list he very well could have kept for me. And let’s be honest, my list would be SO MUCH longer than the list I am keeping for this person.
I don’t really have a conclusion to this post except that this is where I am. Wrestling this out with the Lord. If you’re wrestling out hard things I wanted you to know that you are not alone! We will keep trying to understand, trying to get ourselves in line with Holy Spirit, and erasing the records of wrongs we’re keeping that aren’t ours to keep. To God be the glory!